DIANE P. WOOD, Circuit Judge.
This case is about two pounds of butter, two garbage bags, six pens, and a three-ounce tube of toothpaste, but its paltry material basis has not kept it from occasioning the loss of one man's livelihood, the attentions of state and federal trial judges, two separate rounds of intermediate appellate review and even a trip to the Supreme Court. With this opinion, we hope to write the final stanzas of the epic.
I
Keith...
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